The Tourist

To the tourist trespassing
Taking selfies on the stairs
During a fire safety
Evacuation drill:

Were you perhaps trying
To capture the moment
Before you were pushed
For documentary posterity?

Or were you born supplied
With a camera on a stick
Inserted somewhere sweaty?
Whichever; I hope

The gentle smack
Of an irate Fire Warden
To the back of your empty head
Rearranged your somewhat

Selfish priorities
Although I don’t doubt
We will receive your
Carelessly written complaint

Citing unfair treatment
In due course.
I do look forward to writing
An appropriate response.

A Late Liberal

Intrepid explorer
She’s set in her ways
And only those paths
We have trodden, she strays

No fan of convention
A mouthpiece for change
Well-meaning, she irks
Those unsocial and strange

Such genuine seekers
Of newfangled truth
Unsettle those given
To dissolute youth

And safe in their havens
Of yoga and crocs
Escape the unshaven,
Unwashable shocks