The Tourist

To the tourist trespassing
Taking selfies on the stairs
During a fire safety
Evacuation drill:

Were you perhaps trying
To capture the moment
Before you were pushed
For documentary posterity?

Or were you born supplied
With a camera on a stick
Inserted somewhere sweaty?
Whichever; I hope

The gentle smack
Of an irate Fire Warden
To the back of your empty head
Rearranged your somewhat

Selfish priorities
Although I don’t doubt
We will receive your
Carelessly written complaint

Citing unfair treatment
In due course.
I do look forward to writing
An appropriate response.

Being Terrific

“I’m fine!” she says
Her most optimistic tone
All circuits revved
Tits and teeth on the phone

Hear her – peacock-proud
“Oh, never better, my love!”
Fanning every cloud
As it pours from above

“No problem!” Hits
With its usual grin
As she pits her wits
Helping others to win

“Right away, it’s done”
Dropping everything now
She will be the one
Fixing matters somehow

Shoving all her plans
To the back of the queue
Just to understand
How best her skills may serve you

“Never mind” she waves
Putting on a good face
Rearranging days
So she’s able to race

To the rescue cry
Both of friend and of foe
For she’ll always try
To be there for each woe

How she longs to sit
In a chair on her own
And let others get
Used to coping alone

But she’ll never rest
Not while someone’s in pain
So she’s still the best
And no one can complain

Frustration (or why the female of the species is more deadly than the male)

The clown at work
Who wrecks his tech
Until you’d, cheerful
Break his neck

The letch en route
Who’d lick your thighs
Whose comments make you
Roll your eyes

The slobs, commuting
That don’t share
Shift bag, nor arse
To spare a chair

The manager
Who can’t decide
To rule the troops –
Job suicide

The lover’s ears
That don’t retain
A single word
Of our refrain