The Secret Ingredient

The girl that cooks bakes cake and pies
And plays at house and tells no lies
That can’t be wriggled into line
Parading truth and saving time

The girl that cooks makes soup and stews
That chase away the taste of blues
Her kitchen hums with spitting fat
She works and cleans and strokes the cat

The girl that cooks whips up dessert
And bandages the parts that hurt
When all the world is making war
She’s tossing aubergines in flour

The girl that cooks is canny, chaste
Her sauces never go to waste
No eggs are dropped, no milk gets spilt
Her apron strings are edged with gilt

The girl that cooks with fiery flame
Whose every nuance tastes the same
Is ready with another dish
To feed you meaty, wholesome fish

The girl that cooks is clever too
She knows what suits won’t always do
When with a smirk upon your lips
You peck her brow and grip her hips

The girl that cooks in every room
Will not be left alone so soon
While every mouthful, reels you in
You’re caught within her roasting tin

The girl that cooks must take the blame
For ruining your filthy name
Enticing you with food so fair
You hung your hat and took a chair

Footloose and Fancy

Oh, what can I wear to a wedding
To properly show my disdain
For the smug and the proud
Talking ever so loud
How our turn will come soon (yet again)

I’m so tired of this constant assurance
That there’s someone on Earth for us all
And the moment we find them
We must rush to bind them
Domesticate each tortured soul

I’ve been with my someone for years now
We’ve watched many marriages fail
And as far as we’ve seen
All the diff’rence between
Them and us was some rings and a veil

Still I doubt I can stand there in trainers
And scowl as they swish down the aisle
For all wishes aside
It’s not fair on the bride
Guess I’ll bear with my bunions and smile