Snake Oil, Sass and Razzamatazz

I envy those women in the magazines
It goes back to something missing from my teens

Their white trouser, silk blouse lifestyle
When pimples and bad hair were my style

Do I deserve their barefoot walks on the beach
With a dog whose perm is out of my reach?

Can I emulate their effortless charm
In a climate where thick vests are the norm?

And as advertising copy is rife
Where do I sign up for their perfect life?

With a spouse who is polite to my mum
And a car that is the envy of someā€¦

Or is that only alive on the page
While we sigh, we buy, but bicker and rage?

What has happened to us living the dream
In a home of painted white wood and cream?

How are we supposed to manage to burn
All the endless stuff they tell us to earn?

And as pensioners smile sweetly at kids
While their offspring bust a gut on the skids

Keeping families from floating away
Working harder, longer hours each day

For an ad campaigner, trainer, shamer
Knows no namer, public blamer

Never better, next trend setter
Panty wetter, promo debtor

How is this for living the dream
We grip tighter than our miracle cream?

The Future

One day it creeps up
With its laser-bright tech
Androids, iPads and iPods
And it’s me, me, me, next!

Me, first in the queue
For my bells and my whistles
Buying new, full price too
Grab an upgrade that sizzles

The older and wiser
Are left far behind
While the eager, hard-driver
Is blowing his mind

On fragile collectables
Soon out of date
But oh, so delectable
He just can’t wait

Get one home from the shop
And undress it with care
See your mates’ faces drop
Blank with envious stare

Why take the insurance
Of tested, tried, true
When flashy performance
Is shiny and new?

It’s progress, yeah baby!
You know that it’s fun
The future is selling
A new app to run

All manner of items
Are bought on the net
If you’ve never tried iPhones
You haven’t lived yet

Every inch of existence
Is broadcast in space
Yet we must be persistent
So we’re easy to trace

In the hope that new planets
Want to ‘friend’ us online
Drop a tweet on our twitter
To invite us to dine

At their favourite pit-stop
En-route through to Mars
Where the quaint little bipeds
Zoom ’round in their cars