Snake Oil, Sass and Razzamatazz

I envy those women in the magazines
It goes back to something missing from my teens

Their white trouser, silk blouse lifestyle
When pimples and bad hair were my style

Do I deserve their barefoot walks on the beach
With a dog whose perm is out of my reach?

Can I emulate their effortless charm
In a climate where thick vests are the norm?

And as advertising copy is rife
Where do I sign up for their perfect life?

With a spouse who is polite to my mum
And a car that is the envy of someā€¦

Or is that only alive on the page
While we sigh, we buy, but bicker and rage?

What has happened to us living the dream
In a home of painted white wood and cream?

How are we supposed to manage to burn
All the endless stuff they tell us to earn?

And as pensioners smile sweetly at kids
While their offspring bust a gut on the skids

Keeping families from floating away
Working harder, longer hours each day

For an ad campaigner, trainer, shamer
Knows no namer, public blamer

Never better, next trend setter
Panty wetter, promo debtor

How is this for living the dream
We grip tighter than our miracle cream?

Nudity, Nazis and New Labour

Advertising’s not what it was
The theatre needs a pimp
Instead of plays to draw applause
We want more wits, less think

An audience cannot be left
To cogitate alone
They seek a clue, a hand so deft
It helps them feel at home

We’ll dumb them down, those classic plays
And sell them out for laughs
For Shakespeare simply doesn’t phase
They crave more tits and arse

We’ll set the thing in modern times
So costumes are no hassle
Those kings and queens of long lost rhymes
Will reunite in chaps and tassels

Actors just do what they’re told,
Trust in director’s vision
Agents worth their weight in gold
Cannot prevent derision

And thus the show goes on and on
Reviewers numb to change
They watch the peep show and anon
From theatre are estranged